


A Purrfect Life

by TsingaDark



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Animals, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blood, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Not a lot but I'll put it in the tags anyway just in case, Smaug is a dog, Thorin and Bilbo are cats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 17:19:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6293119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsingaDark/pseuds/TsingaDark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin loved being a cat. To be fair, he didn’t know how it was to not be a cat but he was pretty sure that nothing could be better. - A story in which Thorin and Bilbo are cats.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [A Purrfect Life](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/182947) by TsingaDark. 



> Honestly, I don't even know why I wrote this. Or why I made Thorin and Bilbo into cats.. this is purely crack. idek  
> (also, this isn't the best thing I've ever written so please don't expect a master piece :D)

Thorin loved being a cat. To be fair, he didn’t know how it was to _not_ be a cat but he was pretty sure that nothing could be better.

He didn’t need to take care of anything in his cat existence. He was fed regularly and got treats, probably more often than was good for him. He could sleep whenever and wherever he wanted and was petted whenever he demanded it.

All in all, Thorin’s life could’ve been perfect if his owner Ori hadn’t been of the opinion that Thorin was feeling lonely. Which he wasn’t. He didn’t like any other creatures, apart from Ori of course.

He didn’t even know if he liked Ori’s boyfriend Dwalin who sometimes petted Thorin on his stomach when Ori wasn’t looking, almost making Thorin faint from all the purring.

Anyway, Thorin’s life changed drastically when Ori announced one day that he was going to buy a second cat.

First, Thorin thought that he was joking. Ori didn’t actually think that Thorin would tolerate another cat, did he?

Unfortunately, as it turned out, Ori wasn’t joking as he walked through the door with Thorin’s (!) carrier a day later, with Dwalin on his tail.

At first Thorin thought that Ori wanted to drag him to the vet again and was preparing himself to run upstairs and hide under Ori’s bed but Ori put the box down, opened the door and knelt down beside it.

“Thorin, this is Bilbo.”, he said to Thorin and pointed toward the box.

After a few seconds in which nothing happened and Thorin could only stare at Ori – surely this wasn’t happening just now! – a light-brown head with white fur around the nose appeared in the opening of the box.

Bilbo – what kinda name was that anyway?! – strode toward Ori slowly who extended his hand toward him on which he had put some treats.

Thorin couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Not only had Ori betrayed him and got a second cat, no, he also gave away _his_ food.

Bilbo had barely even taken a treat from Ori’s hand but Thorin couldn’t stop himself from hissing at him.

The next moment however, he wished he had never done it. Not because Bilbo looked at him slightly scared and instantly made himself smaller, but because Ori was looking at him with a simultaneously disappointed and angry expression that said that he wouldn’t get any extra cat milk for the rest of the week.

Since Thorin was sure that it couldn’t get any worse he strode toward Bilbo. “This is my human”, he said to him with as much authority in his voice as he could manage and made himself bigger and scary.

Bilbo, who apparently was over the first shock, didn’t want to be intimidated anymore and was wagging his tail fretfully from one side to the other. “Not anymore.”, he replied and turned toward the treats on Ori’s hand once more.

Thorin had had enough of Bilbo and struck out to hit Bilbo. Without claws of course; he only wanted to scare him after all and not hurt him.

Ori however didn’t quite understand the situation how Thorin wanted it to be and before Thorin could explain himself – not that it would’ve changed anything, after all his human couldn’t understand him – he found himself locked in Ori’s bedroom.

Appalled and moping Thorin tore apart one of the big white pillows before he could think about it, curled up on another one and fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin pays Smaug a visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SORRY IT TOOK ME THIS LONG  
> I swear it won't take as long next time (and by that I mean that the next part will probs be online tomorrow)
> 
> please don't hate me

Thorin didn’t like Bilbo.

He drew Ori’s complete attention to himself when he jumped onto the sofa so that Thorin was only able to lay curled up in the corner and stare at him angrily while Bilbo was being petted extensively by Ori.

Also, and this was much worse, Bilbo was allowed to sleep in Ori’s bed. Okay, Thorin had been allowed to do that for a while as well until Ori had banned him from the bed because Thorin had always scratched him in his sleep. Thorin was of the opinion though that that wasn’t his fault, after all Ori had been the one to kick him during his sleep. Thorin definitely wouldn’t put up with that.

Again it was one of those days Bilbo had stolen Thorin’s show by nicely doing the tricks that Thorin felt he was too good for. Even when there were treats to be had as a reward Thorin wasn’t ready to condescend to that level. After all, he was a cat and not a dog.

Thorin, who’d had enough of Bilbo’s good mood, decided that a stroll through the neighbourhood would be a good idea to get the smell of the other cat out of his nose.

Then he could also pay Smaug the neighbour’s dog a visit and see how he was doing chained up as he was in his own garden.

Rumour had it that Smaug’s owner hadn’t put a leash on him in the beginning until he had bitten another cat to death that had dared to enter the garden of the big beast.

Thorin, who frankly didn’t give a shit about rumours, merely thought it was a good pastime to make fun of the dog and then see how he would snap at him without ever being able to actually reach him.

Thorin climbed over the big wooden fence and jumped down onto the dark soil next to a dark-green bush. Even from this position he could see Smaug who was lying on the terrace and drooling onto it.

Slowly Thorin snuck up to the dog just to jump out a few metres before him and therefore scaring him which worked out swimmingly.

Immediately Smaug was afoot and close on Thorin’s heels. Thorin however knew exactly to which spot Smaug would be able to go until the leash would hold him back none to gently, so he ran to that exact place and was about to get comfortable there when he noticed that Smaug wasn’t stopping.

That in itself didn’t come as a big surprise – the dog never seemed to learn where he should stop to not injure himself – but what was different than normally was the lacking sound of the iron leash that was dragged over the terrace behind him.

As fast as he could, just as Smaug had arrived where he was, Thorin started running towards the fence. He had just reached the lower part when he felt pain at his side.

All-out he jumped up on the fence and made it to the other side. To be safe he kept walking to the next garden – you could never know what might happen – and sat himself down on the grass to look at his side.

As soon as he turned his head towards his black fur, he wished that he hadn’t. Blood let his fur stuck together and was dripping onto the ground.

Thorin knew that he had to get to Ori as soon as possible. Without help this surely wouldn’t end well.

Under excruciating pain he dragged himself through two more gardens to the house of his owner where he lumbered through the open terrace door into the house and called for Ori.

Unfortunately, Bilbo was the first running up to him, even if he was looking very worried.

“Thorin? What’s – oh dear God, is that blood?”, Bilbo said frightened and immediately came closer to look at the wound.

“Ori!”, Thorin bellowed again. He had moved on to ignore Bilbo.

“I’m going to look for him. Stay exactly where you are!”, Bilbo said and turned around straightaway.

Thorin mumbled. He didn’t have any choice but stay in situ. Walking around would make the blood flow even faster and he definitely wasn’t in the mood for that to happen.

After about a minute – for Thorin it felt like an eternity – Bilbo came back into the living room with Ori in tow.

“What’s wrong Bilbo? Do you want food? That’s the wrong direction.“ Ori said to the brown-furred cat who ran away from his owner as fast as he could, to Thorin’s side.

“Oh, Thorin? What have you done?”, Ori cried when he spotted the blood on the floor.

Thorin thought that was a pretty unfair question. It wasn’t his fault that Smaug hadn’t been chained to the terrace like he normally was. If it was his choice he wouldn’t be bleeding all over the floor right now either.

“Dwalin!”, Ori called and ran into the kitchen.

Thorin felt left alone until Ori came back with a first aid-kit in his hand from which he distributed half of the content onto the floor until there was a bandage in his hand.

Dwalin, who was apparently able to judge the seriousness of the situation on the basis of Ori’s voice, came running into the living room with wet hair. He also looked like he had put on his shirt inside out.

Before Thorin knew what was happening, he had a bandage around his stomach and was being carried to the car in Ori’s arms.

Even though he hated driving with a passion – on his first trip to the vet he had puked due to the permanent swaying of the car – he couldn’t find the strength within him to protest.

At least the drive was considerably more pleasant on Ori’s lap than in his carrier. And he was being petted which was also a plus. Maybe he should let himself be bitten by a dog more often.

He noticed how tired he was when Ori carried him out of the car into the vet’s office. After Dwalin had talked to the assistant – Ori was crying non-stop – they sat down in the waiting area shortly.

Thorin, who absolutely could not stand seeing Ori cry, started to lick Ori’s hand to make him stop. Normally he would’ve licked the actual tears away from Ori’s face but he was too weak to stand up.

They got called after only a few minutes and Ori carried him into a room with a metallic table in the middle which seemed unpleasantly familiar to Thorin. He could still remember vividly how he had been brought here as a small kitten.

Now though, he only managed to meow pitifully as he was laid down on the table while Ori was stroking his head constantly and tickling him behind his ears.

Shortly after he felt a sharp pain and then everything faded to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think
> 
> (also, don't worry, it won't actually be another two months before I update this)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin wakes up after the incident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here's the next part

When Thorin woke up he didn’t know where he was at first.

His head was spinning as soon as he opened his eyes so he decided to keep them closed for a while.

At that point he started to notice several things.

Firstly, something big was stretched around his neck which also reached around his head that he couldn’t shake off, no matter how much he moved his head around. He quit trying to free himself from whatever that thing around his neck was pretty quickly since the head shaking didn’t make his situation any better.

Secondly, there was warmth on his entire right side. After he had concentrated on it enough, he noticed a light puff of air on his fur every few seconds.

He was so relaxed that he almost fell asleep again until the warmth at this side moved slightly and startled him, making him move forward. When he noticed that the edge of the couch was pretty damn close – too close – he saw himself lying on the ground already. His whole body just wouldn’t cooperate.

But before he could actually fall, he was lying on his side on a cushion.

“Thorin.”, he heard a familiar voice next to his ear and he groaned.

Why did the first person – or rather the first cat – that he encountered after waking up have to be Bilbo?

Maybe he would go away if he ignored him long enough? Thorin thought that was a brilliant plan.

“How do you feel?”

Thorin left his eyes closed and slowly breathed in and out again.

What had happened in the first place?

He could only remember blurry excerpts. How he had run away from Smaug. How he had looked at his fur and seen the blood. How he had been in Ori’s arms in the car. How Ori had put him down on the table at the vet’s.

He obviously couldn’t be dead since Bilbo was here and Thorin didn’t believe that the other cat was stupid enough to give himself up to Smaug right after Thorin’s accident. Even if Bilbo, had he been with Thorin at the time of the incident, would’ve probably thrown himself in front of Thorin to protect him.

Sometimes Thorin had the feeling that the other cat was a bit reckless.

Suddenly he felt a raspy tongue at his side.

“What are you doing?”, he asked Bilbo startled.

Bilbo paused, his snout pressed into Thorin’s black fur.

In that moment Thorin saw – even if a bit blurrily through the enormous plastic-y collar that he hated with a passion – that almost his complete fur had been shaved off there.

“What?”, was the only thing he could say.

Bilbo looked at him apologetically.

“I thought it’d be good if I cleaned you there since you can’t do it on your own at the moment. The vet had to give you stitches. Ori was very drained when you came back.”, Bilbo babbled.

Thorin could only look at his bald skin sadly. At least he would get a pretty cool scar that would scare away all the other cats. And he would become the legend that had survived Smaug the dog.

Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.

Another licking across his fur by Bilbo pulled him out of his thoughts. He gazed at Bilbo grimly like he normally would at small children so they wouldn’t dare touch him. It didn’t have the same effect on the brown-haired cat though since he only continued where he had stopped.

“I really am not in the mood for you to be complaining tomorrow about how much you stink because you can’t clean yourself.”, he said in between licks.

“Hmpf.”, Thorin replied and stayed where he was. Not that he would admit it but Bilbo caring for him was kind of nice, even if he didn’t like the other cat. Not one bit.

And if he cuddled up to Bilbo for a little bit when Bilbo laid down next to him to warm him then no one had to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, let me know what you think
> 
> also, feel free to contact me on [my tumblr](http://www.tsingadark.tumblr.com)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin seems to warm up to Bilbo somewhat after his accident.   
> (from Ori's POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is really short ( _really, really short_ ) but I thought I'd post this anyway

With a mug in one hand and the book he was currently reading in the other one Ori was walking from the kitchen to the living room to snuggle up on the sofa. As he stepped through the door, taking a look at the couch, however, he stopped abruptly. In the corner, on top of one of the big, grey cushions, Thorin had curled up. That in itself wasn’t unusual – he spent a lot of time in the living room, sleeping on the couch. The difference this time, though, was the brown cat that had settled in next to Thorin, lying with his head on Thorin’s stomach.

Ori desperately wished he had a free hand so he could take a photo to preserve this special moment. It happened very rarely that Thorin relaxed in Bilbo’s presence, nevermind letting Bilbo near him. 

Since Thorin’s accident – Ori still didn’t know what exactly had happened – he’d become steadily nicer towards Bilbo. He didn’t hiss anymore whenever Bilbo was in sight and let him come closer than before but never this close. In fact, Ori had never seen them this close before apart from the time right after Thorin had come back from the vets, drugged out of his mind from the painkillers. 

Sighing, Ori headed for the couch and sat down next to the two cats. He’d barely put down the mug on the white coffee table when Thorin leapt up from his position and jumped down the sofa, trudging away.

Bilbo, who apparently hadn’t seen that coming, meowed miserably about the loss of his ‘pillow’. Ori believed to see Bilbo staring after Thorin wearily but found himself with Bilbo in his lap a second later. He began purring as Ori absentmindedly starting stroking him behind his ears.

Sometimes Ori didn’t understand Thorin. He was sure, however, that he would warm towards Bilbo eventually.


	5. Christmas #1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been almost a year since I updated this story.... tbh, I didn't think I would but I haven't had internet for the past two weeks so I've been writing more than ever
> 
> anyway, there will be one more chapter after this. I wish I had the motivation to write more for this story, and maybe one day I will, but since I haven't worked on this for so long, I just know that I won't continue this anymore.
> 
> thank you to everyone who's read and commented and I hope you'll enjoy the last two chapters :)
> 
> also, I'm sorry that I'm posting Christmas themed stuff in April..... (I originally wanted to get this done in time for Christmas last year but obviously that never happened lol)

Thorin didn’t understand all the excitement about Christmas. The idea that an unfamiliar man would worm his way through the chimney and secretly put presents under the tree let him shudder. Even if he had come to learn that that was only a story told to human children, he couldn’t quite understand how anyone could take pleasure in it.

It wasn’t that he was a Christmas-grouch. No, he liked the contemplative atmosphere, the joy Ori radiated throughout the holiday season and especially the Advent calendar he received from his owner every year, which held many delicious treats.

What he couldn’t stand however, was the yearly visit of Ori’s relatives on Christmas Day. At least Ori always spent Christmas Eve with his family that lived outside of the city in a gigantic house. Thorin knew that because Ori had taken him there once when Thorin had still been a tiny kitten.

Thorin always looked forward to spend the human-free evening in his basket in front of the living room window, watching the snow fall outside (he still didn’t trust it though, since he’d once fallen in a big heap of it and it had taken an eternity to dry his fur afterwards).

This year however, he wouldn’t be alone on Christmas Eve. And if that alone wasn’t bad enough, Bilbo topped it all off with his excessive Christmas-joy.

At the moment, he was sat underneath the Christmas tree, which had been decorated with at least three different fairy lights and baubles in every imaginable colour, and looked at the reflections of light on the baubles as if he were under a spell.

To be fair, when no one was looking, Thorin sometimes liked to sit in the same place and view Ori’s masterpiece. But only for a short time. Honestly.

It was absolutely ridiculous how long Bilbo had been sitting there. It had been three hours at this point. Or maybe only five minutes. To Thorin it felt like an eternity. Not that he was interested in what Bilbo was doing but because Thorin was apparently the more experienced cat in the house (since he was the sole survivor of Smaug the Terrible), he felt obliged to keep an eye on Bilbo.

 Eventually, Thorin grew tired of watching Bilbo and got up from his comfortable sleeping position, sighing as he did so. He decided to break Bilbo free from his rigidity and went to hit one of the red baubles within reach. The following moment happened as if in slow motion. Thorin only watched as the bauble detached from its clasp, turned away from the tree and looked directly into Bilbo’s startled face.

Then the sound of breaking glass resonated through the room and Thorin jumped back onto the sofa as quickly as he was able to.

After only a few seconds, Ori came running into the room. He came to an abrupt stop when he saw the red shards that were spread all over the floor. He sighed and looked over to Bilbo, who was still sitting in front of the tree, and then Thorin.

Oh shit. He quickly had to do something that made him look innocent! He could clean himself! That would show Ori that he’d been sitting here the entire time and had had no part in breaking the bauble!

Swiftly, he lifted his paw and licked it, while completely ignoring Ori so as to not raise suspicion.

Ori sighed anew. “Stay where you are,” he said to Bilbo and left.

A few minutes later he came back with a dustpan and started sweeping up all of the shards so he could create a safe passageway for Bilbo. The latter remained exactly where he was, on his warmed up spot, until Ori reached him and picked him up.

“Good Bilbo,“ Ori said, and Thorin thought he was dreaming when Ori got a treat from his pocket.

Why did Bilbo get a treat? By all appearances it had been Bilbo who had destroyed the bauble!

Thorin couldn’t let that happen! He jumped down and stalked towards Ori, which probably didn’t look as elegant as he’d hoped due to all the shards he needed to avoid.

He sat down next to Ori and meowed. He didn’t want to give Bilbo the satisfaction of actually begging for a treat but a little bit of manipulation couldn’t hurt, after all. Ori had never been able to bear Thorin looking at him sadly while meowing miserably, as he’d noticed throughout the years.

This time though, Ori only looked amused and shook his head.”I can’t believe you actually tried to put the blame on Bilbo. He would never do something like that,” he said and ruffled Bilbo’s fur, causing him to start purring.

Thorin’s mood immediately darkened. He should be the one on Ori’s arm. What had become of the care after his heroic fight against Smaug?

“When you have apologised to Bilbo, you can come to me and I’ll give you a treat as well,” Ori added and looked at Thorin reproachfully.

Thorin had heard enough. Since Ori had gotten Bilbo, nothing seemed to go right anymore. He’d definitely had enough of that.

With an upraised tail, he left the living room and hid in a pile of Ori’s socks in the wardrobe. Definitely not to sulk there. He didn’t sulk. But he was of the opinion that he was definitely allowed to be a bit upset. Christmas was ruined already and it hadn’t even started yet!


	6. Christmas #2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since I won't have internet the next few days, I've decided to post this chapter today instead of a few days later
> 
> like I've said, this is the last chapter. again, I'm sorry that I won't continue this and I do feel a little bit guilty, but I'd feel even worse if I said there were the possibility of me continuing this when I most probably won't
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter anyway :)

If Thorin had to listen to ‘All I Want For Christmas’ one more time, he’d go nuts. For hours Ori’s Christmas playlist on Spotify had been playing on repeat, resonating throughout the entire house. Even in Ori’s wardrobe underneath a pile of clothes he could steal hear the horrific music.

Therefore, Thorin had made it his task to walk around the keyboard of Ori’s laptop whenever he got the chance until the music stopped, which, of course, annoyed Ori to no end.

Maybe that had been the reason why he’d set off to his family’s house with Dwalin long before he’d initially planned to leave. Thorin, on his part, was glad to finally be left in peace.

Well, Bilbo was still there, but at least Thorin wasn’t forced to listen to that horrible music anymore and could relax.

At the moment, he was lying underneath the richly decorated Christmas tree in the big and extremely comfortable cat basket that Ori only brought out this time of year. Thorin didn’t quite understand why he was only allowed to lie in it during the Holiday season and not the rest of the year but he didn’t want to complain, in case Ori would never lay it down there again.

He watched the snow for a bit, which was falling so thickly that hardly anything could be seen of the garden, until his eyes slipped closed. He laid there for a while and continued becoming sleepier until he suddenly heard the soft sound of paws on the wooden floor.

He was too tired to look but he was sure that the sound could only come from Bilbo. After all, he was able to distinguish Bilbo’s gait from that of other cats.

Feeling safe, Thorin eventually fell asleep. Only to wake up a few hours later – or minutes even, Thorin was never quite sure – of feeling too hot. It wasn’t unusual for him to wake up warmer than when he’d fallen asleep, after all he always curled up to create as much warmth as he was able to. But he’d never been _this_ warm!

He tried to stretch but immediately realised that there was something beside him that made stretching difficult. No, not only beside him, it was also partly _on him_.

Sluggish, Thorin opened his eyes and immediately saw the snow that was still covering the ground outside. He turned his head and recoiled when he saw what – well, _who_ was lying on him.

Bilbo had actually made himself comfortable next to Thorin and had laid his head on Thorin’s stomach. His multicoloured tail was wound around his body and was thus also pressed against Thorin’s fur.

Thorin couldn’t help but stare at Bilbo. Apparently, he was fast asleep and hadn’t noticed Thorin being startled. Which was a good thing, because then he could pretend that he hadn’t even realised that Bilbo was partly lying on him.

In the same moment Thorin had thought that, he noticed that he was purring. A second earlier he’d already asked himself what that weird noise was he’d been hearing but had put it down to his imagination.

Oh God, surely Bilbo would wake up from that!

For a few seconds, Thorin held his breath, but nothing happened. He breathed a sigh of relief and in that exact moment, Bilbo moved.

Thorin prayed for his purring to stop but he simply couldn’t control it! It was like something had happened inside him that couldn’t be reversed!

Fortunately though, Bilbo didn’t wake up. It had probably been a dream that had made him move. Phew! That’d went well after all.

Now that Thorin was awake, he didn’t find the warmth at his side terrible anymore. Of course, that had nothing to do with it coming from Bilbo. No, not at all. And Thorin obviously would’ve liked to get up and wake Bilbo in the process. But he was too tired to do that and the basket was way too comfortable to move.

Thus, Thorin closed his eyes again and let himself be pulled back to sleep. Maybe being near Bilbo wasn’t that bad after all.


End file.
